Five years later

 

Five years ago I was sharing about our miscarriage. Our little June. And today, five years later, my arms that once ached from overwhelming grief for the child we lost, are now holding two new precious babies. A double portion. They are such pictures of redemption and grace and the tangible kindness of the Lord. 

This time of year will always remind me of the one we lost and my heart will always feel that sting of death and loss and pain (mother’s day I feel it strong too). But if I could go back and tell myself some things five years ago, I’d let that grieving mama know that she’ll be ok, that God will meet her in every part of her pain and grief and that He’ll bring healing to her broken places. I’d tell her to grieve however she needs to without feeling pressure or expectation from anyone else. I’d tell her to share whenever she felt like it could help or to hold it close to her heart if that felt better. I’d tell her that five years ahead she’ll be a mother to six beautiful children and that she’ll be really really happy. I would tell her to hold onto Jesus and listen to every word He says, to take steps of faith and to not doubt any of His promises, even in the face of fear, because He will be with her in every step of the next few years. 

Here’s a few posts I wrote on our miscarriage. 

When I was walking through the midst of miscarriage and grief and trying to understand what was happening, I was looking everywhere for other women’s stories to help me not feel alone in it all. My hope in writing parts of my story is to not only help myself to heal and process things but to help you if you’re looking to heal and process too. I pray that it  gives you hope and encouragement along the way. 

Loss

To remember

This feels raw to write about

For this child I prayed

If you read the post “This feels raw to write about” then you’ll see why these pictures are so special too. My bonus babies and the sweet reminder of our June, who will forever and always be held in our hearts. 

After taking these pictures, I was walking back in our house and talking to both of my older girls, thanking them for helping me capture these little moments and talking about how five years ago was when we lost baby June. I started tearing up and saying how much I wish I could have given myself a little glimpse back then of what will be now.  

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.“ -Psalm 27:13

If I could, I would tell myself five years ago, you WILL SEE the goodness of the Lord in the land of living again. It’s coming soon. 

xx